Grand Theft Auto: Grade School
by JJCrimson
Summary: GTA with a twist. (I may change the rating as chapters are added on)
1. Beginnings

JJ- Just got back from a yu-gi-oh tournament.

Crimson- He lost.

JJ- Thanks Crimson.

Crimson- You're welcome.

JJ- Anyways, this story is a spoof version of Grand Theft Auto.  During a class, my friends and I were making up spoof games and this was one of them.

Crimson- You have strange friends.

JJ- I just ask one thing, please don't flame me about this story.  I know GTA is a great game, which I have played numerous times.  I just don't want diehard fans to think I'm insulting the game.

Crimson- It is a fun game.  Hey, a car.

JJ- Crimson, No!

Grand Theft Auto: Grade School 

Little Jimmy had just moved to Carja City.  He didn't know anybody here, he lost his great set of wheels during the move, and worst of all, he didn't have any money.  He was 6 and a half and he showed it.  He used to have the fastest big wheel of them all.  He had so many dimes and quarters that getting candy was an easy task.  But now, he had nothing.  He told his parents he was going to meet the locals.  Jimmy needed money, and the only way to get money was to find work.

After reaching the end of the driveway, Jimmy realized something.  After the "car dodge ball incident", Jimmy's parents didn't want him going across the street alone.  He lost all his money because of that incident.  Deciding he didn't want to be grounded on his first day on new turf, he went to the neighbor's house.

The neighbors were the Rigatoni's.  Their son, Tony, was looking for a playmate and business partner.  He had an idea to open a lemonade or some kind of drink stand, but he needed a partner.  I mean he was only 6 years old.  It takes a lot of hard work to run this sort of thing, and one boy certainly can't do it alone.  What luck, when he saw Jimmy walk up his driveway.  "Hey kid, you new here?" asked Tony.  "Yeah, I'm looking for work.  Do you anybody who could use some help?" said Jimmy.  "Yeah, in fact, I could use some help.  I plan on opening a drink stand, but I need a partner.  There's so much demand and competition that I can't do it alone.  Tell ya what, I need to know if you're trustworthy.  Go around the block and eliminate any competition.  Business will be better if we're the only ones who are still in business".   "How much will I get?" asked Jimmy.

"A dollar".

Jimmy couldn't believe it.  A whole dollar.  He could buy one of those big jawbreakers he had heard of.  The size of those made any guys mouth water.

"Ok, it's a deal", said Jimmy as he and Tony shoke hands.  He might get to like this town.

JJ- Well?

Crimson- I thought the game was about fights, explosions, and joining the mafia.

JJ- This is a 6 and a half year old kid we're talking about.

Crimson- You come up with the worst ideas.

Ffeiofjngjkfsnga

JJ- Sorry about the above line.  I hit Crimson with my keyboard and that appeared.  Tell me what you think of the story.

Adios.


	2. Making rounds

JJ- Let's see here…how would a 6-year-old kid do plenty of damage?

Crimson- He'd probably do something like this (whips out a variety of weapons.)

JJ- I'm trying to avoid people getting shot.

Crimson- Fine (goes outside).

JJ- At least he's gone.

(BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM)

JJ- Crimson, no!

Jimmy was making his rounds on the block.  Tony told him to do whatever it took to make the businesses run bad.  He even gave him some equipment.  Let's see…he had some salt, a bit of a tuna smoothie, and some Pixy Stix in case he got low on his sugar high.

As he approached his first target, he took notice of who was running it.  It was being run by what looked like two 8 year olds.  Now just because they were a year and a half older didn't mean he would back down.  But, he didn't want to be seen.  Last time he got busted by the target's parents, he was grounded for a week.  A distraction was in order.

The two kids were busy making sure everything was set up right.  Then they saw, and couldn't believe it.  A sign that said "Fure Cookes" (Free Cookies, kid doesn't know how to spell.)  The arrow on the sign must be pointing to them.  They could leave the stand for a little bit, right?

Jimmy couldn't believe it.  The sign actually worked.  He'd thank Tony later for that.  He didn't have much time.  Jimmy went over to the stand and took out his thing of salt and tuna smoothie.  He quickly stirred it in the pitcher.  The lemonade turned from a yellow color to a sickly green.  All he had to do now was get rid of the supplies so they couldn't make more.  The only thing there was a bag of sugar.  Worked for him.  He took it and went back into the bushes he was hiding in before to see if his sabotage worked.

The kids came back after learning there weren't any cookies that were free, and they weren't exactly happy.  They were mumbling under their breathes about how they were going to take out the person who did this.  When they got to their stand, they were thirsty.  They ran most of the way.  They were so thirsty, in fact, they didn't bother to see that the lemonade wasn't lemonade.

After the two kids ran into the house, he liked the fact their faces were greener than any vegetable he was forced to eat, Jimmy knew his work was done here.  Off he went to the next stand.

Jimmy didn't have to walk more than a half a block to see the last stand in sight.  He was on a bit of a sugar rush since he gulped down his Pixy Stix and what was left in that bag of sugar.  There wasn't much left, but you can never beat pure-out-of-the-bag sugar.  But even on a sugar rush he knew this last stand was going to be the toughest.  For there, working the stand was…was…

Crimson- Was what?

JJ- That will be in the next chapter.

Crimson- But I want to know now.

JJ- Too bad.  The next chapter will be the end of the mission, and the beginning of a new one I'm sure people will enjoy.

Crimson- Ah, here it is, the next chapter.

JJ- PUT THAT DOWN!!!

(Big action sequence commences) Adios.


	3. Girls

JJ: You can't beat me 

Crimson: You wanna bet?

JJ: Bring it!

(JJ and Crimson are playing Soul Calibur2)

Crimson: You'll never win!

JJ: Oh yeah?

(Pre-recorded message 241: Sorry for not updating sooner.  Enjoy the story.)

…Girls.  It just had to be girls running the last stand.  They had the worst weapon ever.  Cooties.  No one knows what cooties are exactly, but Jimmy had a good idea what they were.  He remembered back home when he heard the story of Paul and his encounter.  Jimmy was at the Juice Box Bar when he heard this.  A kid said that Paul was doing a capture job (snatch Little Susie's doll) when he suddenly got caught.  Susie and her friends had taken him hostage.  When he was finally released, he was covered with weird paints and powders, and he was also wearing a dress.  Poor guy must have gotten infected and lost his mind.  Jimmy couldn't let this happen to himself.  He had to figure out a way to not only sabotage the drinks, but also distract them so he could.  He was a long way from Tony's and he had no tools.  This would be difficult.

Jimmy decided he would have to use whatever was at hand.  He was at the house left of the girls' stand.  Looking around he saw a remote controlled car lying in the yard.  That would help, now he needed bait.  He spotted something behind the girls, some dolls sitting in a chair.  Ok, now for the sabotage.  "Go do your business, Rover."  The door of the house opened and a dog trotted happily out.  Let the plan begin.

The girl running the stand was named Sara.  Her friend, Lisa, was also helping.  They heard that Tony was running a stand, and they wanted to make things as difficult as possible for him.  He was always such a meanie to them.  He would steal their dolls, jewelry, and other items and sell them to other kids.  Well he was going to be sorry now.  "Are we all set?" asked Sara.  "Yep, we just need customers now," replied Lisa.  Just then a toy car started coming their way.  They couldn't see anyone operating it.  When it reached them, it rammed the chair that had the dolls on it.  One of the dolls fell onto the car as it drove off.  "Pretty Pam!  It has my Pretty Pam!" yelled Lisa as she ran after the car.  "Lisa come back!" shouted Sara as she dashed off after her.

Jimmy jumped out of the bushes.  He was right, those girls would go anywhere for their dolls.  What do they see in those things anyways?  Action figures are so much cooler.  Walking towards the stand, Jimmy whistled.  Rover came bounding after him.  Making sure the car was still going while he took the drink, Jimmy set the pitcher on the ground.  "Go ahead Rover," said Jimmy.  The dog happily lifted its leg and proceeded to do what dogs do.  Jimmy set the pitcher back on the stand and started to walk away, but he heard something that made his blood run cold.  "Looks like we have a friend of Tony's with us."  Oh, crap.

JJ: I shall rise victorious.

Crimson: Over my dead body.

JJ: That can be arranged.

(Pre-recorded message 105: Thank you for reading this story.  Please review.  Adios.) 


	4. Dress up and Betrayal

Pre-recorded disclaimer by JJ: I'm currently away right now.  I have left Crimson in charge of this chapter.

Crimson: Well, since I'm in charge now, there will be lots more fighting and weaponry and…

PD by JJ: The chapter has already been made.  Crimson can't make one.

Crimson: What?!  Fine…on with the chapter…

Jimmy woke up to find himself tied to a small chair with a jump rope.  The last thing he remembered was being sprayed with something that smelled like flowers or fruit.  "I must have passed out from it," he thought.  Jimmy looked around the room he was in.  The room was filled with dresses, stuffed animals, and dolls.  All the smiling could make any tough kid get sick.  He heard footsteps coming towards the room.

"Looks like Tony's friend is awake now", said Sara "So what should we do with him?"

"I dunno", said Lisa "I think he's cute.  Why not have him play tea party with us?"

Tea party?  What sick tricks did they have up their sleeves?

"I don't think there is any need for games, Lisa", stated Sara "He already played dress-up with us".

"What?  Did she just say I played dress-up with them?" Jimmy thought.

Sara must have read Jimmy's mind.  She reached in to her pocket to reveal pictures that made Jimmy's blood run cold.  The pictures were of Jimmy wearing a dress while playing with dolls and what appeared to be him trying to drink from an empty plastic cup at a table with stuffed animals in dresses.  They must have set these up while he was knocked out.

"I have some boyfriends that would love to see these", said Lisa.

Oh no.  This was Jimmy's first day in this new city.  If these pictures got out, he wouldn't be able to find work or anything.  He had to do something.  So he did the first thing that came to his mind.

"Please please please don't show those", cried Jimmy "I'll do anything, just don't show those".

"Anything?  Ok then", Sara said as she put the pictures away "You'll have to help us since you ruined our business".

"Tony has some friends that are always bringing Pez to him.  He sells the stuff to desperate kids who need the sugar rush.  We want you to take some of the Pez they carry", said Lisa.

Pez, one of the most addicting candies there was.  Just one nibble and you were hooked.  Jimmy didn't like doing the stuff though.  He had seen a good kid or two lose all their profits on the stuff.

Jimmy agreed to help them, but only if they destroyed the pictures now.

"No way", yelled Sara "how can we trust you?  You're about to betray your own boss.  Once you bring us what we want, then we'll destroy them".

"Once you have the candy, meet us at the sandbox at my house.  It is just across the street from here", said Lisa.

They untied Jimmy and sent him off.  Once Jimmy was a few feet from Sara's house, he remembered what happened last time he betrayed his boss.

*Flashback*

"You thought you could get away with being a snitch huh?  Well, we'll just have to teach you a lesson now won't we".

Jimmy was surrounded by a bunch of his ex-associates.  They were each carrying Super Soakers and water balloons filled with ice-cold water.  There was no escape…

*End flashback*

Jimmy was lucky he didn't get hit too badly, but he was shivering pretty badly afterwards.  He could now see Tony's house in distance.  Jimmy noticed that there were other kids there too.  Some had bags while others had money.  Jimmy could only hope he could accomplish this without getting caught.  Otherwise, he would be laughed at and be a constant target for Tony.

"Here goes nothing", Jimmy said to himself as he walked up to Tony.

Crimson: I guess the chapter is alright.  I could have done better though.  Well, now that you've read it, you know what to do.  Why are you still listening to me?  Do it now.  You know what I mean.  Just…

JJ: I'm back.  Crimson has been stunned for a short bit.  Hope you liked the chapter.

Adios.  


	5. Business as usual

Crimson: JJ isn't here today, so I'll be doing the fic today.  Here it is

Jimmy pulled out an assortment of guns as he rushed toward the house.  The kids couldn't react in time to see the stream of bullets about to…

JJ: Sorry for that folks.  Crimson had held me prisoner in a closet.  He must really want to write this fic.  However, that is not the way I plan to write this fic.  So as punishment, I have locked Crimson up in the closet.  He is currently bound with lots of duct tape, and he will have to watch public service announcements and shows like Teletubbies until he learns his lesson.

*Muffled screams can be heard coming from the closet*

JJ: Anyways, on to the requested fic.

"Hey, Jimmy", yelled Tony "I got some good business, thanks to you".  Jimmy saw Tony and waved to him.  He hoped his nervous stomach would quit moaning, but he couldn't help thinking about what would happen to him if he got caught.  He noticed the kids lining up and asked Tony about it.  "These are some clients of mine.  They come around every now and then to, you know, 'trick or treat'".  Jimmy wondered what he meant by 'trick or treat'.  "We were just about to have a get-together, you should join us".  Jimmy agreed and headed inside.

The inside of Tony's house was very nice.  There was a big screen TV and plenty of toys and candy in the living room.  Tony's parents were out at the moment, but they knew that they could trust their little boy (I'm aware that this is something that shouldn't happen in real life, but this is GTA so it works).  There were about twenty kids that were there in total.  The age range was large.  There were 5 year olds and even some that were 10.  Man, did Tony have connections in the higher ups or what?  "Come on in and have a seat Jimmy.  I want to introduce you to my clients".  Tony called for everyone and everyone sat down.  "This is Jimmy.  He's my newest business partner.  I want you guys to treat him with respect".  The kids nodded.  "Now then, lets get down to business.  I hope you all have your money".  Jimmy noticed how much each kid had as they raised their hands that held their money.  There were as little as single bills but some had 5 dollars.  Now those kids had to be rich.  Jimmy decided now would be a good time to find the stash while Tony handled business.  He needed to make it sound like he would be gone for a while though so he wouldn't suspect anything.  "I really need to go man", said Jimmy as he held his hands between his scrunched legs.  Tony nodded as Jimmy left the room.

Now Jimmy had seen this coming.  He knew that Tony had hired hands to make sure nothing bad happened to his stash.  The guards had to be at least 8 years old.  They wore all black and had sunglasses on.  As for weapons they had an assortment of Nerf weaponry.  They stood there with stone cold expressions.  However, if they heard a noise close to certain bodily functions, they would turn their heads and try to cover their fits of laughter.  After that they would go back to their original stance.

Jimmy was upstairs now.  There were guards at two rooms, both having their doors closed.  This meant that one room had the stash, and the other was Tony's room.  He needed to distract the guards somehow, but they probably wouldn't budge unless a riot broke out.  That gave Jimmy an idea.

Jimmy ran back downstairs.  He kept out of sight has he changed the sound of his voice yelling "POKEMON SUCKS!" (This is not an expression of my thoughts).  At hearing this, at least half of the kids turned their heads and yelled back "WHAT WAS THAT?"  The kids who didn't yell either snickered or agreed.  The Poke gang, the group that shouted, was a big part of Tony's members.  They hated those who expressed such thoughts.  The Poke gang started attacking the other kids while Tony tried to keep the peace.  Jimmy ran upstairs and told the guards about the fight.  They quickly rushed down to stop the ordeal.  Now that the guards were gone, Jimmy had one last danger.  Tony's room was most likely rigged with an alarm to keep out intruders.  So Jimmy used the best and most logical thought process to choose which of the two rooms was the one with the stash of Pez, "Eeny meenie miny moe catch a tiger by his toe…

JJ: Learned your lesson Crimson?

Crimson: *comes out of closet having conniption fits*

JJ: That would be a yes.  Thanks to all the reviewers so far, and to those who motivate me to write/type.

Adios.     


	6. Fighting, Planning, and Trouble

JJ:  Hello everyone!  I'm back!

Crimson:  We've been busy.

JJ: No, I've been busy.  You were sleeping on the couch.

Crimson: So?

JJ: Anyways, I'm sure the people who read this are mad that it has taken so long for an update.  So to get rid of the aggression, I will now have Crimson be attacked by a number of little kids hyped up on sugar, with baseball bats.

Crimson: What?  Can we talk about this?

JJ: Too late.

(Numerous sugar-crazed kids attack Crimson)

Kids: WHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Crimson: AAAAHHHHHH!!!

JJ:  There, all better.  Now, on with the story.  Oh, I also don't own Pokemon, GTA, Nerf, and any other product or show in this story.

"I dare you to say it again".  "Yeah?"  "Yeah!"  "Pika-you moron, pika-you!"  The fight that had broken out had escalated from shouting to smacking.  Tony and his men were trying to break up the fight, but no one noticed or heard them.  "I'll take you out with my double slap!"  "I got some Power Ranger moves with your name on them!"  It didn't help either when one of the kids grabbed a pillow off the sofa.  "Fireball attack", yelled the kid as he flung the pillow across the room.

          *KKKKSSSSSSSHHHHH*.  Jimmy leapt ten feet into the air.  He was really nervous.  Maybe starting that fight wasn't the best idea.  He had finally decided on which door, and his hand was so close to the knob before that crashing noise.  He didn't want to get caught; it would be dangerous to play outside ever if he did.  But if he didn't succeed, those pictures those girls took would be shown to everyone.  Both fates were worse than a time out.  Jimmy grabbed the knob and slowly opened the door.

          *PPHHHHHHAAAAAA*.  Tony put his raised arm down.  It was holding the air-horn his dad used to warn everyone of door-to-door salesmen and police.  Everyone stopped fighting and looked at Tony.  "Enough!" he shouted, "are we here to fight or to do business?"  The bigger kids set the smaller kids down.  Another kid got back up after playing possum to avoid getting smacked.  Everyone brushed themselves off and sat down.  "Now then", continued Tony "before we get to buying, I have an important message to tell all of you.  Since Jimmy isn't here, now's the perfect time.  Jimmy is going to be the decoy for operation 'Piñata'."  "Pin-ya-tah?  Peanuta?  Pikachu?"  said some of the kids as they tried to pronounce it.  "Yes, Piñata.  Jimmy is going to be the stick that will break open the colorful object-being-held-up-by-a-rope of our dreams".  "Eh, boss.  What on earth is a piñata?"  "Were you not listening to my speech?  Never mind, the point is is that Jimmy is going to get us the biggest helping of candy ever."  "Even more than what we got on Halloween?" asked a kid.  "More than all the holidays combined".  After Tony said that, the group of kids was getting anxious to hear about the plan.  "More candy than all the holidays combined?"  "Man with that much chocolate…"  "Pika?"  "Sugar…good…" said some kids amongst themselves.  Tony quieted the group down so he could be heard.  "You guys want the candy?  The listen up, this is how it's going to work…"

          This was not Jimmy's day.  First, he's threatened by girls, and then he is forced to betray his first boss.  Now he was staring into the barrel of an Air shooter 2000 Nerf gun, it looked custom made.  The person with the drat gun motioned him in.  Crap…

JJ: Crimson seems to be unconscious at the moment, so to end the story this time, I have a small preview of what is coming up next.  In the next chapter, there will be captives, evil laughing, and a kid who really needs to cut down on sweets.  

Adios.    


	7. 2 new reasons

Crimson: Hi all.  JJ is busy with other things at the moment so he's letting me take charge for a while.  Sadly, he hooked a small electric shock collar to my neck, just in case I try to ruin the story.  Even thinking about it will…

*ZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTT!!*

Crimson: OUCH!  Let's just get on with the story.

(Disclaimer: I do not own GTA, Nerf, or any candy industry.  I'd be insanely rich if I did.)         

The door was shut behind Jimmy as he entered. "Seems like Tony can't keep an eye on his customers," said the kid holding the dart gun.  "Rrrreallyyy?" asked another kid who was also in the room. The other kid had candy wrappers by his feet.  He was twitching and it appeared as though he was more interested in his tye-dye shirt than in Jimmy.  "What's your name, kid?" asked the gun holder who stayed behind Jimmy.  "Uhhh… Rumplestiltskin," lied Jimmy.  "Leave the kid alone, Tony," said the twitching kid, still staring at his shirt, "come check out the color on my shirt.  They're, like, dancing." "Drat it Hype, you got hyped up out of your mind again didn't you?" "Maybe so, maybe no," said Hype as he opened a pack of Pez and gulped all of it down.  "Wheeeee!" "Man, you've really got to cut down," said Tony as he then turned his attention back to Jimmy.   "Tony?" asked Jimmy slightly confused.  "Yeah, I'm Tony and my brother's name is Tony as well," said Tony (this Tony will now be referred to as Big T. to avoid confusion).  "Yep, yep, yep.  You don't want to mess with me or Big T., hey that rhymed." chuckled Hype as he repeated "me and Big T." over and over again.  Big T. moved from behind Jimmy to his front.  Big T. looked like Tony, except he was 3 years older.  "So Rump, you really anxious for your candy?" said Big T. pointing to a small pile of Pez and assorted candy bars that were near Hype, who was now arguing with himself and losing.  "No…I…I was just looking for the bathroom," Jimmy said nervously as he kept his eyes on the Airshooter.  "Why, afraid you might wet yourself?" laughed Big T.  With that he fired a shot (remember folks, this is a dart gun).  The dart whistled by Jimmy's head and scraped his ear.  He cringed a little from the pain.  With a thud, the rubber top of the dart hit the wall, leaving a very small crack.  Jimmy looked at Big T. who was laughing evil-like as he re-pumped the chamber.  Hype, after hearing the loud pop, had pulled out his gun and began to scream threats at a small stuffed animal in the corner.  Jimmy really wanted to be home now and watching cartoons, but no.  Instead, he was being held prisoner by an evil older brother and his sugar hooked friend who still had no concept of reality.  Time to plan an escape…

Crimson:  JJ also would like to say he's sorry if this chapter appears shorter than usual.  It would be longer if I just…

*ZZZZZTTTTTTTT* *ZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT!!*

Crimson: AAAAAGGGGGGGHHH!!

Adios


End file.
